You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
