if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
