blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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