finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I deserve this hangover.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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