I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
