Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
