mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
