Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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