Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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