How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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