he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
