Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
