somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
