Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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