I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
