Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
