why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
