I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
