i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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