I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
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We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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