i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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