I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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