Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
