Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
