I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize