walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
