Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
