I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
