Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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