NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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