Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
