and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
