That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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