she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
