You smell like stripper and shame
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
