she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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