I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
