I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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