When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
