How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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