So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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