why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
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You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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