Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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