This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
