just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
