i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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