i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
