Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
