All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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