he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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