my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
