You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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