I will die if light touches me.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
