i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
