Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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