I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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