get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
