K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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