Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
