i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
