I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
