Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
