Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
