Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This is the high leading the old right now
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am one with the molecules
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
