There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
