I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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