I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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