i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
