next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
