I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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