u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm having to shit out rocks
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
