you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
