he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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