please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
