Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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