i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
