Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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