i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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