Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
